goodbye America!

i wrote this a few days ago while traveling. I was unable to post it then bc my plane was boarding while writing. i've been in kenya for a week and have just now been able to procure good internet. i'm in the bluesky adventures office!!! woo!! 

Well…I’m almost there. I’m on the plane from London to Nairobi with 3 and a half hours to go. I still can’t really believe it. Even the travel has gone by so quickly. It seems like just a second ago I was kissing Cass and my mom goodbye in Atlanta. As we stood near the security checkpoint hugging and crying passersby kept asking if we were ok and if we needed some help.  Then before we could answer they would look at us and say, “oh,…oh I’m sorry.” Here is something beautiful and interesting that I’ve come to notice more lately: I am deeply passionate about people and relationships. I think I’ve known that for some time, but I’ve become acutely aware of it recently. I guess it’s the leaving I’ve just done. And it has only opened my eyes more to the beauty of God. The beauty of God in who He made me to be. There have, however, been times in my life in which I have prayed begging God to harden my heart and not let me care deeply for anyone anymore. See, I pour myself into relationships. I love people. Love them. And I want to know them and make them feel valued. But when that relationship turns around and the person I’ve poured so much into hurts me, it hurts.  I mean, it really hurts. And so that has happened a time or two in my short history and has caused me to wish not to care so much. The beautiful thing about God is that when I pray prayers like that He give me just what I need, “more than all I could ask or imagine:” He gives me the capability to love deeper and harder. And he gives me the sweetest friendships that I couldn’t have imagined. It is this I have seen over the past few days while saying goodbye to my friends and family. I know I will see them again. I know I’m embarking on an exciting adventure and I know it is the Lord’s will. Because I care so much about the people around me, my heart is broken when I have to say goodbye. I want so much to convey how important these people are to me.  So saying goodbye to everyone in Rome and to my family was extremely painful. Painful yet beautiful. I know that the reason I’m going back to Kenya is because I care so much about people and relationships and at the same time the reason it’s so hard to leave is again because I care so much about the people around me. I think that maybe, and I don’t really want to say it because I want to be humble, but I think this part of my character is a reflection of my creator. This is why it’s so beautiful to me: as deeply as I love people, He loves us so much more. Unfathomable.