much

this week...

... I left Rome. i was sad. the day i left Anne Grace was born. what a beautiful baby she is! thank God for life! hopefully i'll get back that way very soon to hold and snuggle her.

... i went to Las Vegas! i saw a lot of lights, pretty girls, skin, drunk people, dance moves, people kissing, feather boas, sequins, lights, food, alcohol, lights, elvis impersonators, lights, characters (elmo, transformers, some sort of skanky Barbie, Buzz Lightyear, and more). it was a lot of a lot. and it was pretty fun. i made some good memories with some great girls. and i shook my groove thing. good thing it was dark on the dance floor and i didn't embarrass myself too badly. and strobe lights make everyone look like a great dancer, right? right?

 viva Las Vegas! this is the view from our hotel room. with many humble thanks to my dear friends sweet grandmother who had some hotel rewards that she needed to use before they expired. what lucky girls we are to stay in a sweet hotel with a beautiful view! 

and no, this isn't the second coming of Christ, it is the inside of a Vegas night club. the light is coming from the stage where there were dancers wearing Marie Antoinette-esque wigs and dancing with feather boas. it's a bad picture, but i think it kind of gives the idea of the mania that is Vegas. bright lights, lots of people, and hysteria. fun times.

... but then, i couldn't handle being in canyon country in the Southwest without visiting a wilderness area (also i don't think i could handle two nights in Vegas in a row). so a friend and i made a little trip... 

we were only in this state for like 20 minutes

 

Zion National Park

The Great White Throne and The Vestibule

... went to Zion National Park. what an experience! this is truly one of the most beautiful places i've seen. wow. Zion is also "much." much beauty, much aridness, much rocks, much sand, much color, much sunlight, much Spirit, much peace, much quiet. i fell in love again. we camped in 15 degree weather. oh the pain of being in love! we watched the stars change in the night sky. what beauty in love! we rented tents and sleeping bags (2 for each of us!!!) because we couldn't fit camping gear into our luggage on the plane. oh the financial burden of being in love! being in the park, sleeping outside, climbing Angel's Landing (i don't have pictures, but you should look it up), driving through the desert stirred in me a spiritual connection. i don't have words for it yet. maybe there aren't words. maybe this isn't the place for those words. it was a lot.

 ... i went to California!!! hello West Coast! actually, i'm still here. i drove from Vegas to Orange County with my friend from school. and now i have the honor and pleasure of visiting two very bright and beautiful freshman women at Azusa Pacific University. what a joy they are to me! my sweet sisters. i have already been encouraged by great conversation, lots of laughs, and seeing them with their new friends and doing really well in school!  there's so much goodness about being here with them: from sleeping on the floor of the dorm room to eating in the cafeteria to watching them make plans and participate in meetings and driving around LA. it is much. much goodness.

when in Disney... (ok, but really we were only in downtown disney which is where all the gift shops are)

 

... i worked on a class for school. this might seem like the least exciting part of my week. i'm taking an online class called Trauma, Healing, and Domestic Violence. actually it's pretty great. i'm working through a healing curriculum designed for survivors of domestic violence. each week we're asked to do a reflection on what we read, write, and the activities we do. i went to this website, copied and pasted my reflections into the box, and it turned my reflections into this beautiful "Wordle." what a cool way to see all i've learned! it's been pretty intense and i've learned a lot about myself, the world, what i want to do, recovering from trauma, and... much more..

... i will go back to Montana... FINALLY! :) while i'm traveling, vacationing, visiting, exploring, relating, and loving, (and working a little bit), i am dreaming of my snowy home in Missoula. the more i think about it the more i think i really might make a (more permanent) home there one day (really? what am i saying? is this me?). i wonder if it will lose its romance when i get back to five feet (YES, that's right FIVE FEET!!!) of snow and 30 degree temps.  we'll see. i already have plans for cross country skiing next friday after class. yes! probably not gonna lose that romance too soon...

and oh it is good to be here

i head back to Montana next week. (well, Montana via a few other awesome places!!!)  i have been so blessed to work yesterday, today, and tomorrow at good ole' wilderness.  today i helped set up a GPS course, paddled canoes at the res, drove a truck all over mountain campus with a wonderful friend, and spend time at WinShape.  what a special place it is up there!  i forget how peaceful and quiet the reservoir is.  i forget how the memories always come flooding back when i'm there.  and being there with sweet friends always brings about good words.  in the hectic-ness of being home, being car-less, sleeping in different places, and trying to see (and eat with) everyone I know in just a few days... today was a bit of a respite.  a reminder of why this place is so special to me.  

it looks like the rains have set in for the week here in GA. at least it's still in the upper 50's. hopefully i'll be outside, despite the mud, as much as possible in the next few days before i get back to the snow.

it's been a long time

well... i think i'm going to try blogging again. i read this awesome book this past semester that encouraged me to write. i'm not a great writer. but maybe if i practice i'll get better... and as i've spent some time in reflection these past few days i realize that there are so many people who i love so much and want to keep in my life, but who live so far from me. distance and busy schedules keep us from seeing each other and talking on the phone or emailing. a friend recently expressed how he has resolved to be close only to the people in his daily life. although simple and likely more peaceful, that's impossible for me. i am a connected person. i'd be really lonely. so forgive me for my absence from this space. it may have been a bit selfish. or maybe i'm being selfish now by trying to hang on to you.  ah, but i can't spend time analyzing what's right in this situation. i'll write and you read and respond if you want. or don't. and i may not even write much. this can be a non-committal relationship. ;)

i'm home in Georgia for the holidays now. right now i'm sitting at my dad's house in an empty living room (actually there are two dogs sleeping on the chair beside me) working on a project for school. i had to make a power point introduction for an online class. it required me to look through pictures and pick some out that communicates who i am. it took me about 5 hours in total, with my ancient and almost full computer freezing up and shutting down and the nostalgia of looking through years of photos of Kenya, camp, family, and friends. there are a lot of things i really really REALLY miss. i go through each day alternately loving my life and worrying that i've made a huge mistake by leaving Kenya. some days i think i could stay in Missoula forever. some days i want to get back to Kenya as soon as possible.

in my counseling class this past semester we learned about acculturation. acculturation is the process of giving up ones own cultural values for those of the dominant culture. there's a category called "marginal" in which a person doesn't really feel connected to their culture of origin, but neither do they entirely connect with the dominant culture.

in August i moved from Nairobi (after my second 2ish year stint there) to Missoula, Montana. i spent 4 days at home unpacking, repacking, and hugging my mom and dad. a few days after i got to Missoula i started classes at the University. life's been a whirlwind. some of it healthy and good. some of it unhealthy, yet somehow, still a little good. i've been home again, now, in Rome for about two weeks.

i feel marginal.

i miss Missoula. i miss Nairobi. i miss the way things used to be here at home.

in Missoula i still feel like a freshman. i don't fit in here in Rome very well anymore; i'm one of two single people with no children in the whole damn county.

but at the same time i do fit in. i fit in my weird family because none of us fit in. i am blessed to know some of the most incredible people here in Rome who make me feel comfortable and 'normal.' these relationships are life-giving.

it is good. i am grateful for this full life. at home this short season i have been able to spend time on the river with my brother; dance, hike, and play music with my best friends; see my little baby niece growing inside her lovely mama's belly; have important conversations with my mother; laugh with my sisters; and very soon i will witness "grace upon grace," as some of my dearest friends bring another beautiful baby girl into this world. (come on out here Annie! we're waiting for you!)

here are some things i've been thinking about lately. things i'd like to see again soon. i miss...

this place, these boys, and the freedom i feel when i put on a wig or costume. yep, that's me, wearing an afro and blue shorts pulled up real high. brittany is a princess. they're saying we're cougars. 

these kids and mt kenya

my pups. i can't even describe how much i miss LuLu. but i sure don't miss buying dog food.

Ethiopian food

these friends and this place:

these boys. i actually miss how weird they are and how they always say inappropriate things to me: 

i really miss..
... having tan skin.
... the equatorial sun. oh yeah, and that warm weather.
... how Kenya takes the whole month of December off
... watching TV shows all day with Kim
... camping in December
... Christmas with the Conways
... working really hard and getting only a few things done... wait, i don't really miss that.
... Nairobi traffic. oh wait, no, i don't miss that either.

things i'm looking forward to...

baking pie with this lady in this little kitchen:

more of this:

and when the snow melts, running here:

and when i'm not in school or baking or studying or running or skiing, hanging out with this guy: 

and soaking in the hot springs here:

and drinking beer here:

and learning 'how to save the world' and how to have fun with these women:

hopefully i'll write some more soon...