leaving home again

a funny thing is happening. first i want to preface by making sure you all understand how stoked i am to be returning to kenya. stoked, did you read that? stoked. i know this is what God has for me right now. i know i am following Him to Kenya. but as my departure date approaches, all i can think of is staying here. i mean, my bedroom's still decorated, i'm still driving my car, still working a few part-time jobs...i'm trying to make myself understand that i'm about to make another huge change, but it's like i'm hanging on to life here as long as i can. i look around me and see my family (i'm even getting to know cousins i haven't known before), my friends (emma will be walking and talking next time i see her), and my community (i've started spending more time at winshape-amazing) here in rome and i don't really want to leave all that. i've come to the conclusion that i'm ready to go to kenya, but not ready to leave here. i think that makes sense. hopefully i'll be ready in a few weeks. i know that when i get there i'll be ready to be there. i wish i could combine the two! please pray with me that i will take time to spend with friends and family and that i won't be stressed. i want to relish in these last few days with them and create memories to hold onto while i'm away. i know God will meet ALL my needs. all of them. He will provide all i need emotionally, psychologically, and any grieving i'm meant to do.